Nerdy Boy Web Blog: Earth Date: December 26, 2005

Dear Readers,

I am still on my cruise. I found love last night. Nerdy has found love, you may be thinking to yourself. Last night mother dressed me up in my orange tuxedo and she got all dolled up and we went to have our picture taken. The photographer was a woman named Jane who struck me as the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. When we were done with our picture she said "Bye bye." to me. Those to magical words I shall cherish forever. Earlier today she was walking past me rapidly and she accidently bumped my shoulder. I never wash my shoulder again!

I am in love with her, but a beautiful woman like that would never love me back. I am just 44 year old friendless nerd who still lives with his mother and owns a
comic book/Star Wars memorobilia/Star Trek memorobilia/igauna heat lamp store. My meaning on this Earth is no more than a piece of driftwood. Fate has handed me a not-so-good life, but I am taking it one day at a time.

Tomorrow I shall tell you the story of Ebenerdy Scrooge.

Trivia: Sharks can live up to 100 years.

Joke: Last night I was having the most wonderful dream about pudding, it was the most delicious pudding in the world. I woke up with a spoon in my butt.

Nerdy Boy Web Blog: December 25, 2005

Hello Everybody Merry Christmas and Happy Hannukah,

I'm still on my cruise until Wednesday. Last night they served us a lovely meal. I got the child's cheese pizzza and mother got pasta fazul. We also got egg nog. They are serving turkey tonight. Mother and I jammed to Christmas tunes in the lounge. We had quite an interesting experience while exchanging gifts. Mother sold her back hair to buy me a new pocket protector, and I sold all my pens to buy her a new back hair shaver. Oh well. Tomorrow I'll tell you the story of Ebenerdy Scrooge. I have to go now, they're having sparkling cider in the lobby. Bye.

Trivia: There have been too many spoofs of the Christmas Carol to count.

Joke: Chicken

Have a merry Christmas, happy Hannukah, and kwaazy Kwanzaa, and a solemn Ramadan.

Nerdy Boy Web Log Earth Date: December 17, 2005

DeAr ReAdErS,

Don't you wish your name was Pennyworth Adams. I'm in Florida right now, and leaving for my cruise with mother tomorrow. Before I left, I saw my doctor, Dr. Pepper Schwartz, to get a flu shot. You know how much I love my innoculations. Also before we left to come here, mother got her nails and hair done at the beauty salon. She does not have a car, so I drive her everywhere. She rides along in my sidecar. I have a 10-speed bicycle, and whenever she wants me to go faster on the bike, she whips me with her jewel encrusted whip.

Recently I've been going to a Chinese restaurant for my lunch break. The man who owns the restaurant usually spanks me with some peking duck. I think he likes me.

Mother got a box of blue cheese and we're going to eat it under the moon tonight. We're going to the beach soon and I got to get on my water wings. Talk to you tomorrow or the next day. Bye.

Trivia: Studies indicate that surgeons who listen to music while they operate improve in their performance.

Joke: Tell your own and post it in the comments.

Nerdy Boy Web Log: Earth Date: December 15, 2005

Dear Readers,

I did not really steal Timmy's cat, I just murdered Timmy and ate his skin for breakfast.

I have a girlfiend now, her name is Nerdy Girl, she is also my estranged sister.

Just kidding. Spam Spam and what not. Little green elves eat at my soul while I sleep. When the days of stormy times come in the month of Febtember I eat refried pork products at Applebee's. Dr. Curly L. Livingstrom eats my liver sprouts during the times of the Smootlesmorf repentence. For it is death, for it is life, for it is miggles. All hail Smiggens, king of all mules.

G2G mother needs yet another backwax. Also I'm leaving on my cruise tomorrow. I will try to post messages from the cruise.

Trivia: There are more than 2,400 flea species in the world.

Joke: Tell of your own and submit it on the post a comment.

Nerdy Boy Web Log: Earth Date: December 13, 2005

Dear Readers,

Would you like me to tell you the story of how I got my cat? Too bad I'm telling it anyway.

It was a bright Chicago morning, but it wasn't bright where I lived. I was driving to work (my comic book/Star War and Star Trek Memorobilia/iguana heat lamp stoe) when suddenly something zipped across the road in front of me. I pulled over to see what it was, and there hiding in the bushes was a little kitty. I picked him up and put him in my car. I took it back to my house, and gave it some milk. I decided to name him Mittens. Mother was out jazzercising. I knew I could not keep him because mother is allergic to cats, but I still wanted to love him. A few hours later mother came home and I quickly hid Mittens. Mother sat down on the couch, where Mittens was sitting, to watch Dr. Phil. Suddenly she started an outburst of sneezing. "I must be allergic to something," she said.
"Is that cat hair on your hands!"
"No mother, I swear it isn't," I replied.
"Timothy L. Finkleshwartz, bring me the cat you are hiding."
I knew mother would be to smart for me.
I brought her Mittens. She was about to take him out the house, when suddenly she saw a gleam in his eyes. She started to cry. OK, I guess you can keep him, she said.
I was overjoyed. Mother now has to take her allergy medicine a little more often, but it's worth it with Mittens around.
A few days after I had a found Mittens, a young boy came to the door, asking about his lost cat. He showed me a picture of his cat. That was Mittens all right. Me and Mittens had bonded so closesly, and I couldn't give him to this boy who probably whipped Mittens with his jewel encrusted whip. I told him no, I haven't seen your cat. And ever since then Mittens has been my special little friend. He's a great listner, and he's good at keeping away the scary mice. I've had Mittens for five years now, and he's the best (and only) friend I've ever had.

Trivia: Owls are the only birds who can see the color blue.

Joke:
Q: What do you call an eleven foot long urine stain?
A: Line dancing at the retirement center

Q: What do you call a vegetarian with the runs?
A: Salad Shooter

Q: Why does Helen Keller have yellow legs?
A: Because her dog is blind too.

Nerdy Boy Web Log: Earth Date: December 12, 2005

Dearest Readers,

I just got back from the hospital last night. I asked one of the nurses for a date but she rejected me, of course.

A big thank you to my evil half brother, who wrote for me while I was gone. On Thursday night mother had me shoveling snow, and I slipped on some ice and fell. I'm going to need to be in a brace for the next week. On Friday, mother and I leave for our cruise to the Caribbean.

I asked Santa for a mule for Christmas. Mother sent my letter yesterday. I know Santa isn't real. I wonder what happens to all the letters the post office gets addressed to Santa. They probably burn them or something. If I do get a mule for Christmas, I'm going to name him Smiggens.

My half brother is in jail right now. Last night, I was sleeping peacefully in my race car bed, when I heard something and woke up, but then thought it was nothing so I went back to sleep. A minute later, a hear something again, open my eyes and I see my brother breathing over me with a butter knife. I know it's just a butter knife, but he could poke my eye out with it. I screamed and ran into mommy's room. Mother called the police, and they arrested him. I slept under mother's bed with a baseball bat that night.

Today I had a cheese sandwich for lunch that was cheeserific!

Thanks for reading, gotta go.

Trivia: Eating 11 pounds of apples will make you gain one pound of weight.

Joke:
Q: How did the scientist solve the problem of constipation?
A: He worked it out with a pencil.

Q: What's the difference between a truck-load of babies and a truck-load of ball-bearings?
A: You can't unload a truck-load of ball-bearings with a pitch-fork.

Nerdy Boy Web Log: Earth Date: December 10, 2005

Hello,

I am Nerdy Boy's estranged half brother, I'm in town for a visit, and Nerdy Boy has asked me to write his blog for today, while he is in the hospital. Yesterday night, mother had him shoveling the driveway, and he slipped on some ice and fell. The doctors say it's nothing too serious, and he should be completely recovered and out of the hospital by tomorrow.

I'll tell you the story of how Nerdy Boy (real name is Tim) and I came to be brothers. Nerdy Boy was born 43 years ago. When Nerdy Boy was about 2 years old, his mom was having an affair with a man named Arthur Robinson. One day she found out she was pregnant. Tim/Nerdy Boy's dad had been away on business for the last month, so when he got home and found out the she was pregnant he was furious. He left the house and Nerdy Boy never saw him again. When I was born, my mom couldn't afford to take care of us both, so she put me up for adoption. I spent most of my life living in foster homes. When I was 18, I started looking for my mother, and after hiring a private investigator, I found her. I am now a computer programmer and I live in Dallas, Texas with my wife and kids. I come to visit my mom and my brother every couple of years. I'm sure Nerdy Boy will tell you more about his father, when he comes back tomorrow, even though he doesn't like to talk about it much. I guess that's all for today.

Trivia: In 1873 Colgate made a toothpaste that was available in a jar.

Joke: Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

Hey,

TGIF. Tomorrow I'm going to go help mother pick out new curtain for the living room, pretty exciting, don't ya think.

If anyone ever feels like talking to me live my AOL IM Screename is: melzmar
And if you ever want to e-mail me my email address is: melzmar@aim.com

That's all for today. I've gotta go help mother find her back shaver. She lost it again.

Trivia: Everyday, U.S. businesses consume enough paper to circle the Earth over 20 times.

Joke: Today I woke up and poured myself a bowl of corn flakes, then my brother came downstairs and said frantically, "I've lost my scab collection!"

Nerdy Boy Web Log: Earth Date: December 8, 2005

Hello Everybody,

Today mother and I rented The Polar Express at our local video renting store. Mother said the images were so vibrant that it hurt her eyes. She did not like the movie much and kept calling it The Bi-Polar Express.

Now I shall tell you the story of my senior prom. The year was 1980, I was 18 years old, and the nerdiest kid at school. The prom was coming up, and was not planning to go. When mother got word of this dance she insisted I go. I told I really did not want, but she told me that this was my last year of high school and this would be my last dance, so she said to go to school the next day, and just ask a girl. I asked three very pretty girls and all said no. That night I cried on mother's lap, thinking of what a total loser I was. Mother told me that I just had to go back out there and keep trying. So through the course of the next two weeks, I asked girl after girl after girl, and I was rejected by everyone of them. It was Friday and the dance was tomorrow, mother told that since I could not get a date she would take me. I told her no way, but she started looking really sad and telling me how I didn't love her, and I felt really bad, so I said ok. Then next day I awoke to mother pearing in my face with an orange saude tuxedo in her hand. She said to try it on. So I put it on, and even me the nerdiest kid in school thought it looked nerdy, but mother made me wear it. Later on that night mother suprised me by renting a limo to escort us to the prom. At 7:00 the limo pulled up next to our house. I peered out the window, and what I saw was a pink limo sitting there. I was already wearing the orange tuxedo and going with mother to the prom, I was not going to arriving there in a pink limo. Mother agreed to have the limo driver drop us off about a block away from the school, so no one see us. We got in to the school, got our picture, and then mother made me dance, everyone snickered at me, and mother told me to just ignore it. For the rest of the school year everyone called me Momma's Boy. I know mother meant well, but it was still the worst day of my life.

Thanks for reading, and be sure to check out this awesome site: http://asktim1.tripod.com/
My e-mail is: melzmar@aim.com
Have a good day.

Trivia: Koalas are the only other animals besides humans and other primates that have fingerprints.

Joke: Last night I was having the most wonderful dream about eating this really good pudding, that morning I woke up with a spoon in my butt.

Nerdy Boy Web Log: Earth Date: December 7, 2005

Dear Readers,

In case you did not know today is the 64th anniversary of Pearl Harbor, and tommorow is the 25th anniversary of John Lennon's death, two very awful days in history.

Imagine all the people livin in a wor... sorry I kind of dozed off there for a minute. When you ask yourself, how did I get here, why I am I here, and why can't there be peace among the human race, you are questioning the ways of humanity, and life itself. Is life worth living without peace, the answer to that is no, but why do we keep living? Because the hate of the world does not always affect us personally, but when you get right down to the heart of things peace can be found within us, if we ban all wars and get rid of our borders there will be peace. No, the truth is there is no way to peace, arguments will always arise no matter what, and everybody has different beliefs. What are Nerdy Boy's beliefs? I believe in love, happiness. Is there a way for everybody to always be loved and always be happy? No. Will there ever be a way? Who knows. But I do know that one thing is true, its that you must read Nerdy Boy.

I hope everybody's having a great holiday season and a great life. For some reason, I'm feeling quite chipper today. No it's not because I got a girlfriend, or becuase I found the rare triple sided light saber, it is becuase I went on a spiritual journey to find myself. I found out that even though I am a friendless 43 year old geek who still lives with his mom and eats cheetos he finds in the couch cushions while watching Star Wars for the 1,963 time in his Spider Man underpants, and pointing out every flaw in the movie, I still have a heart, and that heart can feel love. A talking igauna from Idaho named Jim lead me through deserts, mountains, jungles, all so I could go on a spiritual journey and find what I am really about. Am I getting too philisophical here. Well mother needs me to give her another bikini wax. You can talk to me live in my chat room, at: http://www.freewebs.com/melzmar/
You can also AIM or e-mail me at: SN: melzmar E-mail: melzmar@aim.com


Trivia: There are many records of goldfish living over 30 years.

Joke:
Doctor (using a stethoscope): "Big breaths."
Blond: Yeth. And I'm not even thickteen yet

Blond #1: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
Blond #2: "No, who wrote it?"

Nerdy Boy Web Log: Earth Date: December 6, 2005

Dear Reader,
Thank you so much for reading my blog. I feel like I have a reason to live again. I hope everyone's holiday season is going good. I think I've said this before, but mother and I are going on a 10 day long cruise to the Caribbean leaving on December 17. They have internet service on this cruise and I will try my best to keep posting.

Surleyyoujesst has asked me if we can date. My response to that is, oh my gosh gorshity gosh, I woman wanting to date me! This is truly a breakthrough in Nerdy Boy's life. I promise I will love and cherish you forever, please don't leave me. Remember anybody ever wants to email me personally my e-mail address is: melzmar@aim.com

I am starting to get over the death of my goldfish, but it still hurts. A few weeks ago I stumbled across this one site called Ask Tim, where you can ask some guy any question in the world and he gives you a personal response back in about a day or two. The address is: http://asktim1.tripod.com/
Be sure to check that out.

I'll be writing here again soon. Thanks for all the posts.

Trivia: Most cats do not have eyelashes.

Very Corny Jokes:
Question: What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Answer: Snowflakes.
Question: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper? Answer: Ribbon hood.
Question: Why does Santa have 3 gardens? Answer: So he can ho-ho-ho.
Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Answer: Frostbite.

Nerdy Boy Web Log: Earth Date: December 6, 2005

Dear Readers,

I am as sad as possible can be. Today my goldfish Henry died. Yesterday Henry was looking very sick, so I took him to the vet, and he told me that Henry had a malignant brain tumor and there was nothing he could do. The next day I woke up in my race car bed (yes I am 43, still live my mother, and have a bed shaped like a race car) and went over to my desk to feed Henry, but Henry was floating upside down in the bowl. A tear came to my eye and then a rain shower of tears bursted forth from my tear ducts. I cried for hours in mother's lap for the loss of my beloved Henry. I remember the day I got him, I went to the pet store and said can I have that goldfish and the pet store guy fished him out for me and gave him to me. We had so many good times. Henry was always swimming in his tank so energetically, he truly had a zest for life. I had always noticed he had this zest for life until today when I saw him lying belly up in his tank. As I flushed him down the toilet I noticed that zest of life again as he swam around in circles faster and faster until he disappeared. I had always wished Henry would brake out into song and dance like in the Disney movies, but he would never do that now. Now could we all take a moment of silence to remember Henry T. Goldfish... I'll never have another fish as great as Henry, but I will still see Henry in my dreams. Henry was not just a fish but a believer and a great organism. Thank you for reading I gotta go cry some more for my beloved Henry.

Trivia: Goldfish have 3 second memories.

Joke: A boy was filling up a hole with dirt, when his neighbor peered over the fence and asked him what he was doing. The boy replied, "Burying my dead goldfish."
"That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish," the neighbor replied.
"That's because he's inside your cat!"

Nerdy Boy Web Log: Earth Date: December 4, 2005

Dearest Readers,

Yenzenia posted on her that she has a t-shirt that says I heart Nerds. I have seen women wearing those before. Once I even got up the courage to talk to a woman with that t-shirt:

I remember it was a bright and sunny day, much like today, I got up and had mother drive me over to my comic book/Star Wars memorobilia/Star Trek memorobilia/iguana heat lamp store. Mother usually would pack my a nice lunch to eat at my store, but she said she had run plum out of bread for my sandwich, so she gave me some money to go eat out for lunch. I worked at my shop, and then around noon I started to get hungry, so I closed the shop and walked over to a nearby Arby's. I stood in line got my meal, and then sat alone in a booth. I then noticed a beautiful girl walk in through the door, and noticed that her t-shirt said
I heart Nerds. This being the first time I had ever seen that shirt, I practically fainted. She was in line, and I pondered, should I go up to her? She ordered a bunch of food, and was carrying about 10 bags and 10 drinks. She was then about to walk out the door, I quickly ran over and opened the door for her. She said, "Thank you so much, I'm bringing these back to my office for all the employees. Then I said, "I like you, do you wanna go out." She said, "Why?" I said "Your t-shirt says I love nerds, and I am myself quite a nerd, so do you wanna maybe come to my house sometime, my mother could make us lasagna." "Yeah right," she said sarcastically, and she walked to her car. I went back inside bowing my head in shame, and crying knowing that a woman could never love me. Is there any woman out there who could love a 43 year old man who still lives with his mother, wears glasses, has greasy, excessive acne, a nasaly voice, nerdy clothes, a nerdy job, really likes computers and Star Wars? Maybe someday there will be someone out there for Nerdy Boy, maybe someday.

If you have any questions for Nerdy Boy please feel free to post them. Thanks for reading.

Trivia: On average, 749 pounds of paper products is used by an American individual annually.

Joke: If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?
THE ANSWER:
You would be in 2nd. You thought first place, huh? Well, you passed the guy in second place, not first.

A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, "If I write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50."The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agrees, thinking no matter what the carny writes he'll just say he weighs more or less.In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50. How did the man win the bet?
THE ANSWER:
The man did exactly as he said he would and wrote "your exact weight" on the paper.

Nerdy Boy Web Log: Earth Date: December 3, 2005

Hello Readers,

I guess people actually do read my blog. Now that quite a few people read my blog, I've got a place of power in this world. I can say things and people might do them just because I said it. Everybody touch their head right now. I bet some people reading this actually touched their head. I feel as chipper as a chipmunk. I feel like a grand piano. Now if only I can find a way to use this power for good and not evil.

My mother used to tell me a story when I was younger and it went a little something like this:
Back on a stormy night, a long time ago, a mule was born and that mule was born, and that mules name was Smiggens, but everybody called him Edgar. No one really liked Edgar much. He would always eat his hey alone, and all the girl mules thought he was ugly, until one day he saved another mule from a fire in the barn, by dragging him out by his tail, and then everybody loved him, and he was popular. The moral of that story is that there is still a chance for nerds like me, I've just got find a way to do something spectacular.

Even though I'm 43 years old and still live with my mom, and have never even talked to a woman without her saying your ugly, I'm still gonna make something for my name isn't Nerd E. Boy. Thank you for reading Nerdy Boy, and remember to always look to the stars. This is Nerdy Boy signing out.

I'll try to post a new Nerdy Boy everyday or every other day, but I'm quite busy helping mother with a new art program she is attending, my karate lessons, and my comic book/Star Wars memorobilia/Star Trek memorobilia/igauna heat lamp store.

Trivia: More people die from eating sharks then from being eaten by them. This is due to a poison in shark meat.

Joke: Q: Where does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
A: In the dictionary!

Nerdy Boy Web Log: Earth Date: December 2, 2005

Hey Everybody,
Still don't know if anyone's actually reading my blog. Please post comment if you read my blog.

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I am going on a cruise to the Caribbean with mother over the holidays. I can't talk much more because it's that time of the year again, mother needs me to scrape the corns of her foot. I've been doing it every year since I was 3, it's kind of a tradition to start of the holiday season. Well, mother is screaming at me now, gotta go. Bye.

Also, for all you new Nerdy Boy readers be sure to go back to my earlier posts to get a better sense of what Nerdy Boy is about.

Trivia: When dolphins sleep, only half their brain is asleep, the other half is awake to bring them up for air.

Joke:
Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Because it " soots " him!

Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The Elf-abet!

Q: What's a good holiday tip?
A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic.


P.S. Go to this great site http://asktim1.tripod.com/
P.P.S. Get a free i-pod http://ipods.freepay.com/?r=14629554
P.P.S. Remember to post a comment if you read my blog. Thank you so much.