Dear Readers,
For the first time in 44 years, mother let me stay up until midnight to see the ball drop. She finally thought I was old enough, but the truth is, I couldn't even stay up past 9:30. I fell asleep in her arms around 9:15. Oh well, maybe next year.
Now I shall tell you the story of Ebenerdy Scrooge:
It was Christmas Eve, and Ebenerdy was hard at work rubbing his mother's feet. "I'll see you bright and early tomorrow morning to finish scraping off the rest of my corns, bahumbug," said the mother.
"But tomorrow's Christmas," said Ebenerdy.
That night the evil mother sat quietly by the fireplace sipping on her brandy, when suddenly she heard a noise , something rapping at her chamber door.
She heard the beat of Jamaican drum, and suddenly out popped her old business partner
Bob Marley. He told her she'd be visited by three ghosts that night, but she just ignored him and said, bahumbug.
Mother then grew tired and decided to go to bed. It had not even been five minutes before she'd fallen asleep when she heard a noise and awoke. There standing over her, was the Ghost of Christmas Past. He took her back to 35 Christmas' ago when her son was just a young boy. She looked through the window and saw this:
"Open your present, Ebenerdy."
"Wow, a popsicle stick! And it even has a joke on it," said the enthusiastic young boy.
"I love you, mommy."
"Kepp quiet, momma's tryin' to watch her stories."
"Don't you see what a sweet boy you had, and how cruel you were and still are to him," said the ghost of Christmas past.
"Bahumbug, just take me back to my house, so I can get some shut eye."
Suddenly mother awoke in her bed. Then she heard noises coming from her kitchen. It was the Ghost of Christmas Present. He then whisked her away to Ebenerdy's room. Ebenerdy was at the foot of his bed wrapping a present for his cat, Tiny Tim, who had a broken leg. The cat would probably die, if he did not get immediate treatment, but Ebenerdy did not have the money to help Tiny Tim, and his mother surely was not going to give him the money. As mother looked at helpless Tiny Tim and Ebenerdy doing everything he could for Tiny Tim, a tear almost came to her eye. The ghost of Christmas present dropped her back off at her house, where it was not long before an evil demon in a black cape stood before her.
"You must be the ghost of Christmas future," said mother.
The ghost nodded.
"Well, I'm not going with you."
The ghost grabbed her and flew her threw time. She was in front of Ebenerdy's boy room where Ebenerdy boy was crying. "I lost my mother and my cat on the same day," said Ebenerdy.
Then the ghost appeared and took her to a graveyard where she saw a tombstone with her name on it. She screamed a horrid scream. "Is there anyway I can prevent this, please, I just wanna go home," she cried.
She suddenly woke up in her bed. She looked at the window to see a shining sun and a road full of sleet. A boy was riding the streets with his new bike, and she yell to the boy. "What day is today?"
"Why it's Christmas day, mam," replied the boy.
"Go get me a plump goose and some presents."
"Yes, mam."
Ebenerdy was downstairs.
"Merry Christmas Ebenerdy, I've decided to pay for Tiny Tim's surgery, I'm going to give you $100 for every corn you scrape off, and I'm taking you on a cruise."
"You've made me the happiest boy in the world, and God bless us, everyone one of us," said Ebenerdy.
Ebenerdy went on to become mayor of his town, and then was shot by a stupid duck with a gun.
Mother was filled with such joy that she decided to go ice skating, she fell through the ice and was never heard from again.
As for, Tiny Tim, he became mayor after Ebernerdy's death, and drove the city right into the ground, literally.
Thanks for reading.
Trivia: The citrus soda "7 UP" was created in 1929. The original name of the popular drink was "Bib-Label Lithiated Lemon-Lime Soda", but it got changed to "7 UP."
Joke: Really bad joke: What did one hen say to the other? Don't you wish your name was HENry.
