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Nerdy Boy Web Log: Earth Date: October 27, 2005

Greetings,
Now I shall tell you of my many trials and tribulations on the cruise I went on last week with mother. We left for the cruise from Houston, Texas which we flew to on Saturday the 15th of October. We got on the cruise later that day, but before the cruise we decided to visit the Houston Space Center. The Houston Space Center was awesome, it had all my favorite things, stuff to do with space, facts about science, a lot of cool gadgets, and virtual reality rides. I love space because it was the settings of my favorite show and my favorite movie, Star Trek and Star Wars. I love science because it has to do with learning. I hung out a lot in the kids part of the space center, even though I am 43. The kids part was groovy, you got act like you were really flying a space ship. A bunch of the kids there made fun of me, and said I was to old to be in the kids part of the space center, but I did what mother always said to do when faced with bullies, ignore them. Overall the whole place was a blast, get it, blast. We then got on the cruise, and decided to go to the buffet. I like to call buffets, Jimmy Buffets, get it. They even served margaritas at one of the buffets, get it, margaritaville. We had a great week. The only bad part, was when our waiter chuckled at the thought of me going on a cruise with just my mother. I cried for a while, but then I printed out a picture of our waiter, and threw darts at the picture. I gained 7 pounds on the cruise. Me and mother even took up tango lessons on the cruise. We learned a great dance called the lambada and me and mother our going to do it at mother's senior talent show. I'll tell you all about the talent show after it happens. In conclusion it was a great cruise, and we're thinking of doing another one in December to celebrate my 44th birthday. 44 is an important number to me because that is the average number of times I get made fun of in a day.

Halloween is coming soon tomorrow I'm gonna carve pumpkins I like to call them funkins because there just so gosh darn fun. Mother and I are going to put up scary derections, and we're also going to have a costume party on Sunday night with mother's friends from the Senior Village. The senior village is a center for seinors to make friends and have fun. That's where the talent show is going to be. Talk to you later.
Sincerely,
Nerdy Boy

Trivia: PNEUMONOULTRAMICROSCOPICSILICOVOLCANOCONIOSIS (45 letters; a lung disease caused by breathing in certain particles) is the longest word in any English-language dictionary.

Joke: QUESTIONS THAT HAVE CONFUSED MANKIND-
-Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'llsqueeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
-Who was the first person to say "See that chicken there....I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."
-Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to ahorrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
-Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
-Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to -Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! a.. What do you call male ballerinas?
-Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
- If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap,whydidn't he just buy dinner?
-If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made fromvegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
-Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
-Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
-Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Nerdy Boy Web Log: Earth Date: October 25, 2005

Dear Readers,
Sorry I haven't written anything in so long, but as I said before, I was on a cruise with mother. We had a very nice vacation, but it is late and I will talk about it more tomorrow. It is almost 7:30 p.m. and I should be getting to bed. It is way past my bedtime, but you know mother, always being naughty and letting me stay up 15 or even 20 minutes late. Well I'm going upstairs to brush my teeth and snuggle into warm footsie pajamas with teddy bears on them. It is odd but it is so hard to find footsie pajamas that fit me. The footsie pajama companies really need to consider making more in 43 year old men's sizes. I had to be my last pajamas at a Halloween store. Speaking of Halloween, Halloween is coming in less than a week, and I'm as excited as a kid in a candy store. I'll talk more about that tomorrow. Mother is yelling at me for staying up this late, gotta go, I'll write to you tomorrow. Bye and have a safe night.
Yours Truly,
Nerdy Boy

Trivia: Slugs have 4 noses.
Joke: "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please standup?" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, onefreshman rose to his feet."Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?"enquired the teacher with a sneer."Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to seeyou standing up there all by yourself."

Nerdy Boy Web Log: Earth Date: October 14, 2005

Happy Friday the 14th readers,
I should be quiet with my typing because mother is napping. Mother has come down with a case of the common cold right before our cruise which we are leaving for tomorrow. Hopefully she'll be better by then. Mother and I have many memories. 43 years, 9 months, 23 days 5 hours, 53 minutes, and 24.5 seconds of memories to be exact. It all started the day I was born. It was a cold December morn, my mom had just been rushed to the hospital. She kept screaming to the doctors to take this devil baby outta me, but it was a premature birth so the doctors wanted to keep me in to cook for as long as the could, but they couldn't hold me back from the brave new world. At 1:32 eastern time on December 22, 1963, I was born into a world of love and compassion. Now let's skip ahead a few years to when I was 5 years old. It was my first day of school, kindergarten. I wasn't always a nerd. In fact I might have been the only brave kid at the school. I looked around and saw other children clutching to their mothers and crying, not me. I walked into that hall and found room 103 all by myself. As an ambitious youngster at this new school, my only goal was to make a lot of friends and become cool. The teacher had set up the first hour to just let us socailize and meet our new classmates. I started talking to one nice kid named David. David and I became close friends. After a three weeks of school, I loved it. I must have been the most popular kid in my class, I even had a small crush on a girl named Lisa. I was so happy, until one dreadful day. The day was October 14, 1968, exactly 37 years ago from today. I was all ready for another fabuolous day of kindergarten. When I arrived at school and walked into class, I noticed Joey Felderman sitting in my regular seat next to David. I told him that it was my seat and to get out, and he responded by saying that David and him were best friends now and that David didn't like me anymore. David looked at me and shrugged. I started to swirl into a state of depression. I had just lost my best friend. "Wait now pull yourself back up and put a smile on, you can always sit next to someone else," I said to myself. "Oh, I can't take it." And right then and there was the exact moment that doom me to a life of nerdiness. I punched Joey as hard as I possibly could right in the face. Unfortunately, I wasn't very strong, and Joey was about twice my size, and he punched me back about what seemed like one hundred times before the teacher came back into the room to stop him. For the next few days my face was so swolen you couldn't even tell it was me. I looked weird with a swolen face and everybody made fun of me. I started to rely a lot more on mother, and started finding Star Trek to be very enlightening. Through the years my nerdiness got worse, I started to get into computer technology and after puberty there wasn't a chance that I could ever get a girlfriend with my face being covered in acne. Also, an interest in the Star Wars movies and enough bad haircuts to fill an ocean didn't hep to regain the popularity that I had once had. So here I am today, nerdier than ever, and yet there is still a good part to being a nerd. I don't have to pay rent since I live with mother, and I never spill ink on my shirt thanks to my lifetime supply of pocket protectors. But of course there is a downside to being a nerd, but there's still time to change. I've got the rest of my life to change. Man that was long. Well now you know a bit of my history. I'll see you next time, this is Nerdy Boy signing out.

Trivia: An eyelash lives for about 150 days before it falls out.

Joke: Why did the man return his donut?
It had a hole in it.

Nerdy Boy Web Log: Earth Date: October 11, 2005

Cher Readers,
I thought I'd indulge thee in a bit of French or as the French would say, lâcher mon saucisson vous cochon espagnol. You can actually go to a website and translate that, if you are really bored or really nerdy like moi.
Ever since the day I was born I've just wanted to fit in, but being a nerd, I could never find anybody to except me except fellow nerds. But I had a dream that one day little cool boys and little normal boys would be playing in the streets of Alabama. My favorite holiday is Martin Luther King Day. I can't quite remember if I told you what I look like, but I shall tell in this post. I have black greasy hair, enough pimples, boyles, and zits (no they are not all the same) to fill an ocean, glasses thicker than your momma's chocolate milkshake, I wear plad shirts with pocket protectors, I talk in a nasaly voice, I have an IQ of 162, I pull my pants up to my nipples, and I wear prescription shoes. I am 43 years old and I still live with my mother, and my mother has lawn nomes on the front yard. I named them all. The one with the red hat is Jerry, the troll is Elliot, and the one wearing red pants is Thelonios T. Bigglesworth. Mother says that she has left the nomes to me in her will.

I just went over a small review of myself, for all you new readers, and remember thine can alwaysith go backith to mine earlier posts to see what you have missed. Sometimes I look up at the clouds and wonder if there are people nerdier than I. I wonder if I have any really die hard fans, that are like Star Wars fans, but replace Star Wars with Nerdy Boy Web Blog. Who knows, maybe even one day when the stars and all the planets are aligned and it is a full moon, and I get a heck of a lot of plastic surgery, and I watch Fonzi a lot on TV. Then maybe just maybe I will be cool. This will almost definitely never happen but a man can dream, a man can dream.

Next week I'll be going on a cruise with mother to the Caribbean, and maybe I'll have a reawakening, maybe Nerdyboy, will decide to put away the Star Wars action figures, buy a new wardrobe, get a cool haircut, move out of his mother's house, and become cool. Well, we'll see if it happens. Readers, please post your thoughts. Do you think Nerdy Boy will be able to become cool? Do you think he will be a little chicken who decides to leave his mother's house and be cool, but then finds the real world to scary and moves back in with mother, and has to have mother read him bedtime stories every night? Post your thoughts. We'll see if I can do it. I'm not sure if I have the guts, but only time can tell. Thanks for reading. I don't know why but it seems like I didn't do this post in the same tone as I do the other ones. Bye my readers or as the French say, je suis allé à la salle de bains, mais une conserves au vinaigre se tenait là-bas et je ne pourrais pas aller avec lui me regarde.

Trivia: Peanuts are one of the ingredients in dynamite.

Joke: How many Nerdy Boys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but he'd rather sit in the dark and cry on his mother's lap.

Nerdy Boy Web Log: Earth Date: October 9, 2005

Dearest Readers,
Thanks a lot for all the offers and and stuff you send me in the comments, and thanks for all the compliments. I know I say that every post, but I am truly grateful. Next week, mother and I are going on a cruise to the Caribbean. This is the second cruise I've been on with mother, and I hope it will be as fun as the last cruise we went on.

On the last cruise we went on, we went to Central America. We took a tour through a jungle (by air-conditioned bus of course, mother has trouble walking, and sweat too much in the sun). On the cruise I ate a lot at the buffets, and I must have gained at least 4 pounds. One day we were walking through the hall to get to our cabin, when we ran into the cruise director, who mistook mother and I for husband and wife. I had a small school-girlish giggle at the mistake Jim, our cruise director, had just made. Mother and I wore matching shirts throughout the whole cruise. Before the cruise, I had gone to a local t-shirt shop, and had them make up two shirts, one that said I'm With Mother -----> and the other one said, I'm With Son -----> . The day we wore those shirts, mother and I went to a bridge game, and all the other ladies loved the shirts, but when we were walking around the cruise, people looked at me like a was a nerdy little momma's boy. I cried for while, but then I felt a chipper as a chipmunk after a little comforting from mother. All in all, that cruise was real swell, me and mother drank enough apricot sours to fill the ocean the boat was floating on, we saw some great things, and we met some great people. All this talking about cruises makes me excited about the cruise that we will be going on next week. Were leaving Saturday and coming back the next Sunday. I just hope they don't make fun of me again when I wear the i'm with mother shirt. That's all for today. Thanks for reading.

Trivia: One person in every 2 billion people will live to be 116 or older.

Joke:Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.

Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

Nerdy Boy Web Log: Earth Date: October 8, 2005

Dear Loyal Fans/New Fans/People Who Got Lost and Stumbled Upon This and Are Trying to Get the Heck off This Blog, but Can't because of the Evil Trance I Have Put on Them,

First order of business: Thanks a lot for all the great compliments about the blog, keep em' coming. Nerdy Boy likes his comments. I talk to much about comments, but the comments sure do put some spring in me step.

Yesterday I was watching Wheel of Fortune with mother, it was great fun. Mother says we might get a pool. She says if we do get a pool, then she can lay buy it and read, while I splash about with my water wings, but I'll be sure to stay away from the deep end. Well that's all for today, talk to u all again soon.

Trivia: Mel Blanc, the voice of Bugs Bunny, was allergic to carrots.

Joke: What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One is a scum eating bottom feeder and the other's a fish.

Bye,
Nerdy Boy

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Nerdy Boy Web Log: Earth Date: October 6, 2005

Hello Ready McReaders,
It's October, and you know what that means. Halloween!!! I already picked out my costume on November 1st of last year. I have gone trick-or-treating every Halloween since I was 2 and I am now 43, (remember mostly everything I write about Nerdy Boy is fake) and last year mother helped me pick out my costume for this year. I am beingJar Jar Binks from Star Wars. Cool huh. I hope all of you know that I am a big Star Wars fan. Last year I was a cute and cuddly little puppy dog, and the year before that I was my hero Luke Skywalker, and the year before that I was Spock. This year is gonna be awesome. Mother only lets me go to 3 houses for candy every Halloween. I tell her that I could handle 6 houses, but she fears that walking to two extra house would not be good for my asthma, and with costs of fillings for cavaties these days, I figured I don't need the extra 3 pieces of candy anyway.

I shall talk more of Halloween later, but now I must tell you about my trip to Las Vegas with mother. Mother and I, drove there in my mom's minivan. When we got there mother did a little gambling, I asked if I may try just one slot machine, but mother didn't think it was such a good idea. But me, being the naughty person I am, I snook a quarter from mother's purse and tried a slot machine. I didn't win anything, I confessed the whole thing to mother on the way home. She said she would punish me, but I cried in her lap, saying I felt really guilty and she decided I'd suffered enough. Later that night, we saw Wayne Newton. Personally, I love Wayne, but mother is a giant Wayne fan, I call her a Wayniac. When we got there mother ordered us two apricot sours. We wore matching Wayne shirts. During the whole concert I could of sworn Wayne was looking right at me. Wayne is such a little devil. The rest of the trip I just pretty much hung out at the buffets. It truly was a great vacation, me and mother our already planning another trip to Vegas, but we might just take a cruise to the Bahamas instead. Mother says in the Bahamas, I can rub san tan oil on her into the wee hours of the night. That's all I have to tell you today, except for your trivia and joke of the post.

Trivia: Tiger sharks fight in their mother's womb. The winner is born.

Joke: Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance..

Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink...

Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions.

Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and diet coke...

Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters...

Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless junk in the garage...

Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight...

Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures"...

Only in America do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering!